One of the biggest sufferings for humankind is the failed bonding between the child and the primary caregiver which results in the trauma of attachment, also known as attachment disorder.

The traumatised child loses self-esteem as the child thinks the events as it was to do with him/her self. Trauma manifests itself in many different ways and addiction is one of them. Addiction is a response to suffering and escape from the actual pain temporarily. My favourite author Dr. Gabor Matè defines addiction as ‘manifested in any behaviours, craving for short term relief knowing about the long term negative consequences and not giving up.’

Addiction is a way to release some of the pain, therefore it is not the problem, it is the cause of addiction that is the real problem. Is it possible to heal trauma? Not from the medical perspective which wholly focuses on the treatment of the biological outcome with medication. Healing happens inside the person. Once we understand the origins of something, we can try different tools for people which works. We need to pay attention internally and open our hearts not just focus with our mind. I believe healing is possible with a supportive environment, compassion and lots of love. As Dr Maté says, “Transformation is an event, for others, it is a life long process.”

Love and Gratitude.

I’ve spent most of my years in a dark cave, I was exhausted and frightened. Life was happening outside of me and slipping away very quickly. I was responding emotionally and acting illogically. Grown tired of fighting and resented responsibility, had battle wounds and my armour grew heavy. As I was going through patterns of intense self-doubt, something powerful happened and I began to listen to my inner voice. The voice that I’ve been ignoring for decades, as I looked deeper into my inner self, there was a little girl about 6 years old, full of anger, pain, fear and crippling feelings of betrayal and abandonment.

Abandonment trauma is the loss of love and connectedness. It represents core human fear, our adult functioning collapses. It is an intense feeling of devastation, the source of insecurities, addictions, compulsions, and distress. It’s an insidious virus invading body, mind, and soul. It’s a hidden trap that kept me stuck in patterns of self-sabotage.

Pain is an inevitable part of life and no amount of distraction truly takes the pain away. The same pain also forced me to look for healing which requires ultimate belief transformation. This intention brought me on a journey to cross paths with many selfless and compassionate people. That point I understood the universe was responding to my desire for healing.

I’ve kick-started the process through sacred ceremonies and plant medicine, accessing levels of consciousness. I’ve realised that the secret of true healing only happens in agreeing and dealing with the death of the old self and the rebirth of the new self. I left the darkness of the cave, thanked the cave and stood in the sunlight, allowing the little girl to grow up into a mature warrior of love. I have been given the gift of awakening to share with others and learned the power of fierce compassion.

I cannot express the gratitude in words, suddenly language loses its power. I am immensely humbled and thank the source. I feel that my journey has just begun. I am the light I see in others and I choose love.

Love and Gratitude.